• Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

    !!! BONUS ITEMS !!!
    Download includes:
    -The video for "Killing Yourself With Your Own Beauty"
    -A Lyric Poster
    -The Album/CD artwork.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price


Swallow Swallow~ Swallow Your Fear~ Swallow Swallow~ Swallow Your Fear~ truth like gasoline burns more when it comes up from down below~ truth like gasoline burns more when it is vomited up from down there~ hallow hallow~ hallow be Thy names~ with some everything is Holy even the messianic complex they’ve left behind~ Shallow Shallow~ how low ya gonna go~ sink fist into shit to reach effervescent pearl~ Chorus~ when I stab to illuminate…I must shallow dive~ How Low How Low~ look deeply into what is you~ the harder you squint there really is not anything in there~ Follow Follow~ just feign to be like them in order to be sane~ Wallow Wallow~ going nowhere on your ascent~ throw ball down hard to reach non-existent ceiling~ Chorus
You’re killing yourself with your own beauty~ and not just yourself are you fuckin’ with~ others my dear have felt your cold frail hands molding’ their world~ the thin veil is made thick and daunting~ your pleasant demeanor now inhales through incisors~ You’re Killing Yourself With Your Own Beauty~ You’re Killing Yourself With Your Own Beauty~ it is your lips that pronounce emptiness~ the brighter a candle burns the faster it goes way~ the faster it goes away~ if there was a time for atonement, it has past~ at least you teach us of original sin~ Chorus~ as a moth, you run to the flame,~ to incinerate in self absorption~ ain’t gonna be nothing’ no more~ ain’t gonna see nothin’ no more~ ain’t gonna know nothin’ no more
15 cigarettes~ by the time it’s 10 in the morning’~ elbow grease and knuckle sweat~ drip from my forehead~ sand paper rug burn~ all on the inside~ coffee stained teeth~ steep in the sunshine~ irritation adorns me~ (dr.Israel) “Jox it rip~ Fya cyan get back~ Inna cold black shack~ Anna feel half dead~ Cau we hold we blood~ Inna dark black night~ Cauya left me out ~ Anna break my balls~ Iya black heart man~ Inna dred dread time~ How we left me out~Cauya feel no pain~ See mi gone trown down~ Cauya kill my soul~ Anna push me out~ Cuaya feel my pain~ Fyah…”~ 23 cigarettes~ by the time its 10:08 in the mornin’~ cracked heart broken glass~ blood on the asphalt~ sardonic sadness~ spills through the teeth of my grin~ blank stare barks tough~ irritation adorns me~ spills through the teeth of my grin
Crackle 03:38
Oh the beast! I don’t .....know up~ from down.....or right~ no sun.....dark lurk~ no light~ all’s don’t work~ this here…is torqued~ i am pissing into the wind~ now paying...for your sins~Oh the beast!- cocked~ thoughts~ zombie...night time~ no such.....right time~ i good~ this corpus…beast flesh~ truth is....not here~ lust is...nowhere
Come On Mr. Crackle Go Away~ Don’t Come Again Some Other Day~ Come On Mr. Crackle Go Away~ Don’t Come Again Some Other Day~ light will brave the madness~ calm will follow the storm~ no more of this sadness~ let pleasure be the norm~ take heed to all the suffering~ take heed to all the pain~ to heed is not to follow~ the blood is not the vein~ the blood is not the vein~ Chorus~ shadow is cast by light~ the light thru darkness made~ when maker meets the making~ the debt will then be paid~ paid, the debt long outstanding~ when maker meets the made~ gone, the debt long outstanding~ when terror meets the shade~ when terror meets the shade~Chorus~ cough up now the taking~ of such nasty pills~ the snake docta’ has the anointment~ to all of your grimy skills~ talk of the forsaken island~ where madness has its reign~ look at he posture takin’~ let Avalon have its reign~ let Avalon have its reign
Diesel 04:26
Swa Swallow Your Fear~ Swallow It Whole~ Swa Swallow Your Fear~ Swallow It Whole~ it is the fuel ~ it is that mean streak~ that you can’t get rid of~ the fodder of the garden~Chorus~ it is the fuel~ it is that dark spot you act from~ but hardly ever look at~the fodder of the garden~ Chorus
(All text in quotation are paraphrased words of Rabi’a Al-’Adawiyya, 717-801 C.E.) sultry mad fire in the night~ passion laggin’ in front of boredom~ “I will set fire to heaven with this torch, and quench the flames of hell with this water”~ scarred for life I tell you~ tender new skin all that’s left after bein’ purged of desire~ “I will set fire to heaven with this torch, and quench the flames of hell with this water”~ sultry mad fire in the night~ dry throated madman slips and falls~ on the water the freeze has turned to ice~ “If I worship you out of desire for paradise~ then deny I paradise~ if I worship you out of fear of hell~ then cast I into hell~ but if I worship You for Your Own sake,~ grudge me not Your everlasting Beauty.~ I will set fire to heaven with this torch, and quench the flames of hell with this bucket of water”~ timid pacifier of the night~ breasts saggin’ low now in front of arrogance~ “I will set fire to heaven with this torch, and quench the flames of hell with this water”~ be now later you tell me~ virgin eyes pull deeply into sacrificial fire~ “I will set fire to heaven with this torch, and quench the flames of hell with this water”~ timid pacifier of the night~ tender footed madman flips and sprawls~ at the feet of the separation of love and hate~ “I want to put out the fires of Hell,~ and burn down the rewards of Paradise~ they block the way to You~ they block the way to You~ and I will not worship You out of fear or promise~ but simply for the love of You.~ I will set fire to heaven with this torch, and quench the flames of hell with this bucket of water~ I will, set fire, to heaven with this torch~ and quench, the flames, of hell, with this water”~ I will, cross the, line here, between You and I~ I will, merge with, You now and make one
Sado 06:48
sadomasochistic turmoil in the dead center middle of your love boat journey to the divine~ you’ve got one eye stuck down deep in man’s throbbin’ heart of pain~ and one floatin’ elegantly in the crystalline water we have come to call your eyes~ todo que necesita (esta en su mano), everything is in your hand boy~ everything is in your hand~ You Will Be Free~ See Free~ take the train unto, the black and the white (desierto)~ and You Will See Free~ Be Free~ sadomasochistic turmoil in the dead center middle of your love boat journey to the divine~ You’ve got one eye stuck down deep in man’s throbbin’ heart of pain one floatin’ elegantly in the crystalline water we have come to call your eyes~ sadomasochistic turmoil in the dead center middle of your love~ in the dead center middle of your love boat journey unto the divine~ unto the divine
Speak Of The Devil- Your Ears Must Be Burnin’~ Speak Of The Devil- You Know We’re Talkin’ Bout You~ Speak Of The Devil-Your Ears Must Be Burnin’~ Speak Of the Devil-You know What We’re Talkin’ Bout~ you really, really want what you see and you can’t have~ try a little harder, you might reach what you dream about~ they really don’t know what its like they just read about it~ it’s not what you say, it’s how you do it, how you feel about~ I don’t know what you been told~ but that ain’t the way that this world goes~ Take a step back and look yourself in the eyes~ the seer is the seen, everything else is a lie~ practice what ya preach~ or shut ya mouth and don’t tell us bout It~ its all fine and dandy that you know it, now what ya gonna do about it~ you’re absolutely right, and relatively full of shit~ hot isn’t cold, even though you believe all is one~ I don’t know what you’ve been told~ but everything that glitters sure as hell ain’t gold~ you’re tryin’ too hard, you’re comin’ off as a fas~ try to fix yourself ‘fore you try an’ fix us~ (dr.Israel) “Wha dem feel dem heat now when dem devil bwoy come now bulleby~ Monkey pon ya back require three pint a gin~ Original gangsta wit original sin~ Friend a him now we remember him~ An probably feel now how em wan fya control~ Put in three pound a hate get back one pound a gold~ Cyan chups no man when ya na look inna him soul~ Cau see eye don’t know what him might a been told”~Chorus ~ your complex runs deep, you think your the only one under the sun~ ya ain’t finished yet, there’s some monkeys on your back~ righteous is as righteous does~ and the best friend of hate ….it is love~ I don’t know what you’ve been told ~ but when you’ve got a bad hand, it’s sometimes smart not to fold~ it is the Same above as it Is below~ the wise one is a skeptic and doesn’t believe what he’s told~ you talk about yourself, till you’re blue in the face~ soon you’ll be gone, yes vanish without a trace~ when truth is served up, you hand it back with out a taste~ the vow of the warrior is not to go till all can go in your place~ I don’t know what you’ve been told~ but you’re preachin’ to the choir and it’s getting old~ he who knows doesn’t speak and he who speaks doesn’t know~ the root of all evil is in your thoughts and your soul
I’m goin’ down by the river~I’m gonna set myself free~and when I go under~I’ll create a web so they can be~yes give form to the entities~gonna make an air strip in the ether~into their vessel I breathe~I am the physical manifested~As the rain keeps one depressed~the rain takes part in growth~as the sun surfaces the ugly shadows~the sun takes part in cancerous growth~I’m runnin’ fast to the future~while I long for past obsessions~so constantly do I wish to give to all~without cliché inflection~yes bring you to where I was before~christ like, tell you of the perfection~that’s possible, with Satan held warmly~in the bosom of your completion~Yes, like a dove in the fire~not burned, by it’s faith~I believe now I’ve caught you~don’t worry it was your fate
Last night I saw the sunset melt through my prison bars,~ Last night across my damp earth floor fell the pale gleam of stars:~ In the coldness and the darkness all through the long night-time,~ My grated casement whited with autumn’s early rime....~ All night I sat unsleeping, for I knew that on the morrow~ The ruler and the cruel priest would mock me in my sorrow.~ Oh, The Weakness Of The Flesh Was There, The Shrinking And The Shame;~ And The Low Voice Of The Tempter Like Whispers To Me Came~ “Why sit’s thou thus forlornly,” the wicked murmur said,~ “Damp walls thy bower of beauty, cold earth thy maiden bed?~ And what a fate awaits thee! A sadly toiling slave,~ Dragging the slowly lengthening chain of bondage to the grave.”~ I wrestled down the evil thoughts, and strove in silent prayer,~ To feel, O Helper of the weak! That thou indeed were there...~ At length the heavy bolts fell back, my door was open cast,~ And slowly at the sheriff’s side, up the long street I passed.~ Chorus~ Then to the stout sea-captains, the sheriff, turning, said,~ “Which of ye, worthy seamen, will take this Quaker maid?~ In the isle of fair Barbados, or on Virginia’s shore,~ You may sell her at a higher price than Indian girl or Moor.”~ Chorus~ They growled back their stormy answer like the roaring of the sea,~ “Pile my ship with bars of silver, pack with coins of Spanish gold,~ From keel-piece up to deck plank, the room-age of her hold,~ By the living God who makes me! I would sooner in your bay~ Sink ship and crew and cargo, than bear this child away!”~ “Like the herdsman of Tekoa, in Israel of old,~ Shall we see the poor and righteous again for silver sold?”~ Chorus~ I looked on the Governor, with weapon half-way drawn,~ Swept round the throng his lion glare of bitter hate and scorn;~ Thrice smote his staff upon the ground, and along with sneering clerk and priest.~ Bade me on my way with regret, And into freedom, I was released.~ For He who turns the courses of the streamlet of the glen,~ And the river of great waters, had turned the hearts of men.~ All praise to Him, before whose power the mighty are afraid,~ Who takes the crafty in the snare for which the poor is laid~ For which the poor is laid~ For which the poor is laid~ All praise to Him, before whose power the mighty are afraid.


released April 12, 2013

Totter Todd- vocals, guitar, saxophone, flute, synthesizer, mellotron, computer, bent gadgets
Cochrane Mcmillan- drums, synthesizer, computer
dr. Israel- additional verses trks 3 & 9 

Jeb Bows- violin
Reverend James Calvin Thompson- upright bass
Philip Parker- cello
Virginia Lee- back up vocals
Andrew McNew- trombone
Robert McDowell- guitar and computer on trk 2
Resurrector- drums, synthesizer and sampler on trk 1
Patch- a dna sample was taken and modified for trk 8, bass and computer on trk 1

Lyrics by Totter Todd except for:
trks 3&9- additional verses by Dr.Israel
trk 3- beginning phone message Jessica Silverelk Bowman
trk 7 section B- paraphrased words of Sufi Saint Rabi’a Al- ’Adawiyya (717- 801 C.E.)
trk 10- beginning traditional sung by Kamalei Jenikah Rife
trk 11- by John Greenleaf Whittier (true story written in 1658 about Totter Todd’s Great+ Grandmother) arranged by Totter Todd

Music written by:
trks 3, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10- Totter Todd
trk 1- Totter Todd, Resurrector and Patch
trk 2- Totter Todd, Cochrane Mcmillan and Robert McDowell
trks 4, 5&11- Totter Todd and Cochrane Mcmillan

Produced by Totter Todd & Cochrane Mcmillan
Final Mixing Engineer- Oz Fritz
Assistant Engineers- Cochrane Mcmillan & Totter Todd
Final Mix was done at Coyote Hearing (
Mastering- Myles Boisen at the Headless Buddha Mastering Lab
Recorded at Prairie Sun Studios and Coyote Hearing by Oz Fritz, Cochrane Mcmillan & Totter Todd
Secondary recording at Three Oaks studios by Jamie Mefford, Jeb Bows & Totter Todd
Trk 1 partially recorded at Rainmaker studios by Scott Wolfe
Circuit bent instruments played were built by Billy Neenos
Paraphrased bass line in trk 8 B section written by George Johnson

Album art, layout, and San Luis Potosí montage by Adam Cooper-Teran
Lyric Poster Portrait and Profile Photo by Faern,
Other human pictures by Fkir Elderfcake

Totter Todd thanks and pays respect to: above, below, the north, the south, the east, the west, the here, Sylvia Todd, Reginald E. Todd, Nathan and Teri Todd, Memaw & Pap, Pee-paw & Mama-Two, Virginia Lee Worley, The Todds, The Pettys, Cindy Neely, Taurmini Fentress, Roman Kosins, Adam Cooper-Terán, Chuck “Big Mama” Fitzgerald, Patch, Resurrector, Sean Leonard, Stero-Lion, Jeff”Apostle”Campbell, Dr. Israel, Jeb Bows, J.C. Thompson, Cochrane Mcmillan, Oz Fritz, Myles Boison, Anastasia Louise, Fkir Elderfae, Jessica Silverelk Bowman, Leda Lum, Dee Coulter, Jane Faigo, Bataan, Caleb Lambidus, George Johnson, La Bruja, Enrique Ugalde, Chris Richards, Melinda Sherod, Benton Coons, Burr Neely, Jon/Jennifer/Woody/Bob Hickam, Jeremy Averitt, Penny Lane, Angus the Aussie, Jerry Mcdaniel, Andrew McNew, NorCal Crew, Scott Wolfe, Shiloh Boss, Rich Meyers, Bill Keys, Tres Altman, Alan Ward, 21 Dread, Ryan Jalbert, Unstoppable One, Eric Wiggs, Joseph Calitri, Andrew Linstrom, Josh Ivy, Jillian Ann, Guillaume, Big E, Till Pistorious, Katako, Davey Diamonds, 101 People, Heather Tyler, Summit Tyler, Trilogy- Truth and health to all my relations.

Cochrane Mcmillan thanks: Stacia and Domino!


all rights reserved



TOTTER San Marcos, Texas

"(Totter's) music is a little bit crazy, but genius"-Tom Rowles,  Not
"Totter Todd's moody, lyrical live score provides an evocative soundscape..."-Robert Hurwitt, SF Chronicle

Totter's music moves through electronica, blues, americana, grind-core, jazz, dub and into realms that, as of yet, have no name.
... more

contact / help

Contact TOTTER

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

If you like TOTTER, you may also like: